I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I love you.
Bad choice
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
