The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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