oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
