Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
