what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
