i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
