i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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