Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
being pregnant is like rehab
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
