I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
