Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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