direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
