Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
