Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
