i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just pee around me
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
