I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
