i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
