please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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