i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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