Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
