Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
