Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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