I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
