So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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