wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
