and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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