69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
