Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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