Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
