Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
