Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
