you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We are all done wearing pants today
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
