Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
