Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
