she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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