Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
