Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
