How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
