i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
