I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
