I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
