The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
