Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
