That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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