i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
