I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
