Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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