So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
