Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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