She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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