I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You did what with his pubic hair?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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