Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
