The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
